panic ensues…

I'm sitting here compiling the list of doctoral programs and I am feeling a mini panic attack coming on... I am having a hard time breathing, my chest is feeling heavy, my back is tensing up, my chest and shoulders hurt, my hands are getting sweaty. Why does this process of applying cause so much...

a lot of bitter, and a little sweet

First, I am essentially coerced into a conversation about trauma and therapy and the inner workings of mental health and the mind. Then, I am asked to share very personal details about my thoughts and my experiences... and the bitterness overflows from others. I refuse to be used as a spectacle and a case study...

it’s not your fault

These past few weeks I have realized a lot of the the trauma that I carry, along with this I am also noticing how my upbringing has begun to really affect my life now, and how it has shaped a lot of the relationships I've had throughout my life so far. I saw somewhere (probably...

again, with hey…

you know what? i am pissed. i am furious. and you know what i have no one else to blame but myself. why do i always do this? i am always the one allowing for the justification. i am always the one that understands why things happen the way that they do. but you know...

Even I Can’t Get In

I saw a post last night on Instagram about people complaining about not having love and having to understand that to find love, one must go out and be social and go on dates and be outside one's usual bubble. Not gonna lie, I honestly panicked a little at this post because it's half true....

PhD vs Ed.D

I am an academic person, I enjoy environments where everyone present is truly interested in learning and interested in engaging with topics that matter (I'm particularly biased towards certain educational, social justice topics). I enjoy reading and determining my points of views and identifying how different ideas, and research finds, apply to my interests and...

times like these…

in times like these, you are distant in times like these, you are silent my eyes are dams in times like these, you are gone in times like these, you are uninviting my chest is tight in times like these, you are always right in times like these, you are always unavailable my mind races...

if you reach out, you’ll find something

In the chaos of trying to figure out what and how to do this whole PhD thing, or rather how to get into it, I have nothing but gratitude and appreciation for those that I have been blessed and privileged to have in my life. Kristin: I am forever grateful and indebted to all the...

My BD Moments

it really takes a toll on me when someone wants to buy me clothing as a gift, and they ask me for a size and I have to tell them, basically with shame and embarrassment, my size and they also realize that my sizing doesn't exist for the clothing they wanted to get me. The...

supposed to

They all say I'm supposed to love you, to like you. They say I should never be angry with you. They say I should always be understanding and never blame you for what you do. Because, because it's you. Because you gave me all I needed. Because you provided me the necessities while I was...